Home Owners - Stage 1 - Designing a House

"Costs too much." "Wrong neighborhood." "Too small." "Ugly." "Too far away." These have all been comments made while peering through real estate magazines. No we aren't buying a house, but we were looking to see what is available in our area.

I'm not sure came first: me pulling out my house designs I have drawn up over the years, or Jon mentioning that we should just buy land and build a house on it. Either way, we both felt really good about that idea and decided to glace through the designs to find which would be best for us at this stage in our life. Looking through some of the more recent ones (by recent I mean about 2006 or 2007), we picked one that we really liked.

After talking for a little while we decided we were going to take a walk and look at the vacant lots that are in the area we currently live. We like the area where we currently live, so it makes sense to look at that land around us first. We walked around a few blocks looking at 4 different plots of land. We liked on in particular. (I found out today that it is 1.03 acres and $70,000.)

We walked home and pulled out some software given to us to create house plans on a computer. I started with the plan I had drawn and put it on the computer. After a couple hours of work, I have quite a bit done, not all of it, but a good chunk of it. Finally my husband told me to stop and go to bed. (It was 11 o'clock already.)

Thinking about it now, I'm a little concerned about how much it is going to cost us to build the house because it is a little larger than I anticipated. Tonight I'm going to finish the one I am working on and then start on a revised version on it, a little smaller and cheaper.

But as we embark on this journey of becoming home owners, I am excited and ready to go!

Winning Conversationg

I arrived home yesterday, worn out and ready to relax, but anxious to talk to Jon about our money situation. I walked into the living room, gave him a kiss, and asked if I could talk to him. I walked to our bedroom because his brother has been staying with us for a couple days, and I wasn't about to get into it with Jon in front of his brother, especially since it doesn't concern him.

Jon followed me to the room and we sat on the bed ready to talk. I calmly explained what I was thinking about in regards to him not following the budget and over spending. As I predicted he got a little upset. He tried using the excuse of not seeing the budget recently and not knowing where we were at. I told him that the only part of the budget I was concern about was dining out. I told him that that money was to be used for us going out together, not for him going to Wendy's by himself or me to Taco Bell by myself, it's date night money. He understood that and said that he would make more of an effort.

Overall I felt it was a productive discussion. I expressed my desire for us to stay on track and use that money for our date nights and for him to be more resourceful and make a lunch at home. He was a little upset when it was over, but he made sure I knew that he was willing to work on it and that he still loved me.

Communicating to Jon has been a little difficult sometimes, mostly because I don't get to real reason behind my feelings and frustrations, but yesterday I felt as though I had completed my mission in stating what I truly felt and what I wanted changed.

Marriage WON - Fighting - LOST.

When Money is Tight, We Tend to Fight

Sitting at my desk, I transferred the info from the receipts to the checkbook watching the balance dwindle. Finally I get them all written down. $39.92 left. I call my husband to let him know.

Me: "Hey babe, whatcha doing?"

Jon: "Coming back from Cabella's with Dave."

"Yeah? What are you guys going to do now?

"Go eat lunch."

"Leftovers?"

"No......we're going to get some cheap food."

"Well just so you know we have about $40 in our account. I had to pay the Citi card. So you're going to be spending money we don't really have to be spending?"

"Um....."

"That's fine I guess." ("Not really," I think.) "Just don't spend a lot. Money is tight right now. Our check for church hasn't cleared yet, so we'll be fine." ("But it will clear.")

The conversation ends with me giving in to his pleading to go out to eat. However, I know that we already went over budget on dining out this month, mostly because we did more traveling this month.

As a result I'm more stressed about money than I was earlier. I know God will provide, but it would help if Jon stuck to the budget we made. In order to save money, I've stopped going to Starbucks, I've stopped suggesting we go to Dairy Queen (not that we don't go, Jon suggests it and ice cream is my weakness), I've stopped buying clothes and shoes, and I've only bought the necessities when we go grocery shopping. I feel like I've been making an effort to save money and stay on budget but Jon hasn't, and it is so frustrating!

I've decided that tonight I am going to pull Jon aside and talk to him about how I'm feeling in regards to money. He knows I constantly worry about money and whether we will have enough, but I think most times he just shrugs it off as "God will provide" and doesn't realize how he can reduce his spending to stay on budget. Tonight I need to make him understand.

Pray for me as I try to show him what he is doing and how it is affecting our bottom line and our relationship.

Just Let Go, Michelle.

The breakdown came Sunday night. I snapped at Jon. I blame it mostly on being tired, having not slept much the night before. But I snapped nonetheless. I went to the bedroom, threw myself on the bed, and clutching a pillow started crying. Finally I talked to Jon.


The next morning he would be leaving yet again for a backpacking trip making this 3 weeks in a row that he was gone during the week. I wasn't happy about that. I told him that next summer he can't do that to me. He would have to tell his boss that his wife wouldn't let him do that next summer. I told Jon how hard it was for me for him to be gone for 3 weeks in a row. It wasn't fair that one guy gets to take the week off to go to Colorado for a few days. (Now I don't know the reason he went there, but he is there.) It wasn't fair to our marriage. It wasn't fair to me.


I also vented about my worries regarding money. I know God has provided everything I needed and when I needed it; He provided an additional $200 check from a contest I won when I stayed home sick and didn't work. But I still worry. I know it's not the Christian thing to do, but I still struggle with that. It's not that we can't make our bills, it's just I keep thinking about the amount of debt we have and how we are going to pay that off while still trying to save money for emergencies and a down payment. I told Jon how I wished we could just received a $10,000 check in the mail. That would pay off the credit cards and allow us to save more money more quickly.


I worry about our trip to Banff for several reasons. First is having the money saved up to pay for everything like food, gas, and lodging while there. Second is having the money saved up to cover our bills that are due since I don't get a paid vacation this year. Jon mentioned not taking a vacation but I told him we had to. My mom told me that even if I don't get paid, I need to take one. Everyone needs a break. Not taking vacations is a sure fire way to get burnt out.

I was reminded today by a friend that the things in my life I view as mountains are merely bumps in the road, not really that big or significant and easy to overcome. My problem is that I have taken my eyes and trust away from God. I have been trying to control my life when I have no control over it. I need to keep it in the hands of the One who knows what is best for me and just trust Him to fill in the blanks. It's time I spent more time praying and reading the Bible. It's time I really trust God with my life, my finances, and my husband. Just let go, Michelle.

It's Friday. The sun is shining. The weather hot. I have exciting weekend plans that includes camping with my family, and yet the day drags by as I wait for 5 o'clock to come and I'm free from my prison called work.

It's not hard work at all. Fact is, it's pretty easy -- too easy. The truth is that I haven't really liked it here, but because of the economy there is no escape. There's no tunnel from my cell that provides a way out. I'm stuck here. How long is my sentence? 10 years? 20? Life? Will there ever be a parole hearing that will spring the gates of my cell wide open?

As I sit here in my cell waiting for the time I can get outside, even if only for a little while, I looked through the barred window wondering when my time will come. When will I walk out the doors for the last time? When will I finally set my foot on grounds that are not a prison? When will my parole come? When will I be done serving my sentence in this prison called work?

Montana Trip -- The Grass Isn't Always Greener

This past holiday weekend Jon and I went to Montana to stay with some friends in their parents' cabins. We left Thursday evening and arrived at the cabin at about 10:45 pm. In the cabin we were staying were two other people, one I am friends with and another I hadn't met yet. I was exhausted when we arrived, but sleep was not coming for at least another hour. Instead we all stayed up talking until past midnight. Finally we were off to bed.

Rays of sunshine lit up the room at 5 in the morning. After not getting much sleep, this was not a welcomed wake up. For the next couple hours I became trapped in a cycle of broken sleep, waking up, falling asleep, waking up, falling asleep. Waving my white flag I got out of bed trying to wake my groggy self up completely.

I suggested going for a walk thinking we'd get outside for a little bit until we went back to shower. We ended up walking to the other cabin and the idea of a shower quickly diminished as our day got started. We ended up gathering our stuff and going to Bowman Lake in Glacier National Park. After some kayaking and canoeing we headed back to the cabin to sit around and relax.

Saturday, the 4th of July, we attended the local parade, which turned out to be more like a thrown together march of the rednecks. The parade lasted about 20 minutes at the most and that included them going up the road and back down it. As we walked back to the car, Loran and Ryan (the couple whose parents own the cabins) started snapping at each other. They continued to argue a few times saying mean things back and forth to each other. On one hand it made them seem less perfect and on the other hand it made things very uncomfortable.

Before the parade Sarah and I walked back to our cabin to get our cameras. On the way I mentioned how there seems to be some tension between Loran and Ryan. Sarah told me a few things I didn't know. She started with how he doesn't help Loran with the kids. Rather than stay at the cabin with her, he came over to our cabin and stayed with Jed. (Loran had to deal with one kid under 2 years old and a 2 week old baby. She was getting no sleep and no help.) Sarah told me that right after Addie was born, Loran woke up in the middle of the night to a crying baby and asked Ryan to go get her. His response was no, that's your job. The next morning he told her to never again ask him to do that. I found myself thinking what a sexist jerk he was.

Previously I had thought he was such a great guy and how lucky Loran was to be married to him. (Please note that I do love Jon and I wouldn't have married anyone but him.) But after hearing what Sarah said I found myself being grateful I wasn't in her shoes. To not have the help of my husband when I have a baby would be a major let down. I know my Jon would always be right there willing to help out, even if he was tired from rafting all day.

Back at the cabin, Loran and Ryan stayed outside to talk. The other four of us, Jed, Sarah, Jon and I, decided we were going to go on a hike to Cyclone Peak Lookout. We weren't quite sure where the trail head was but we thought we would try to find it. Sarah had been there once. Eventually we found our way to the trail head and started up the hill. We continued at a fairly quick pace and after about an hour we reached to top. The view was amazing! We could see mountains and lakes all around us. It started sprinkling so we headed back down. We reached our car in 30 minutes. We headed back to the cabin.

After finding Loran asleep we headed to the barn where Ryan was to play up in the loft. Sarah and I decided to go into town to get some cookies for later. When we returned Loran was up and she proceeded to give us a long shpeal about how sorry they were for fighting in front of us.

Sunday finally came and after cleaning up we headed back home to Washington. I was grateful to leave, ready for a break from everyone and ready to be at home where I would feel more comfortable. Finally we made it home, after 5 hours and 15 minutes in the car (with about 3 stops for gas, food, and the bathroom). We unloaded everything, my muscles aching from the hike the day before.

I'm grateful to be home. Grateful to have a loving husband. Grateful to find out that my favorite sister-in-law is expecting a baby. (We're hoping for a girl since she already has two boys.) I'm just grateful for the life I have, the husband I married.