In the words of Emeril Lagasse....

On Saturday my husband and I went for a jog. We were only going to do about 2 miles. The run on the way out went fine. It was a little slow -- 10:23 on the way out. However, the run back was worse. I felt myself giving up, slowing down, wanting to walk. Jon said something to me and I snapped at him. All he said was "you're doing great," but I felt like a failure. I felt he was patronizing me, and I didn't like it, and I let him know it.

Using it as an excuse, I stopped running and started walking. Now, I know any exercise is better than none, but I was perfectly capable of running the rest of the way.

After we finished our "run," we walked back to our apartment. (Total time: 22:52.) I apologized after I cooled down. And then came the revelation...

I don't push myself very far, I settle. I talked about how in all my running career I've done just enough.

My first year of cross country I didn't push myself, I was already the fastest on the girls' team, which wasn't saying much. My second year of cross country, I was frustrated by a faster teammate, and while I did push myself a little more, it was never enough to do much. My third and final year, I was determined to make it to state. Somehow or another I tapped into a fast vein. I had come to grips with having a faster teammate, and once I got over the jealousy, we helped push each other. Throughout the season I got better and ended up with a 19:59 for a 5k race. I was ecstatic! When it came time for districts, I had to be in the top 10 to go to state. Again, I did just enough, placing 10th at districts, qualifying for state but not going for a better position. State came and with it I lost my fast vein. Whatever had motivated me to run faster was gone and I didn't know how to get it back. I placed 47th. My teammate placed 10th with a time of 19:59, my time just two or three weeks prior! I felt disappointed, but when you do just enough, you can't expect to be the best.

Track was the same story. My first year, junior year, I ran the 2-mile mostly. At districts, I placed high enough to run at regionals. At regionals, top 5 go to state but only the top 4 run with the 5th being an alternate. I ran the race in 6th place most of the time. With 2 laps to go, my coach told me to go for it and to catch the girl in front of me. I ran faster those last 2 laps and eventually passed her with about 100 yards left in the race. I placed 5th, which made me the alternate. While it was exciting going to state, I didn't get to run. My senior year was along the same old lines....doing just enough. Most of the season I ran a 13 minute 2-mile. At regionals, my coach told me to run with my teammate, who was really fast. I ran behind her the whole time pacing her. I finished 2nd with a time of 12:06. 12:06!! My best prior to that was 12:56. At the time I thought it was awesome. Looking back, I realize how lazy I had been in other races. I could have done better, placed higher, and could have had a better personal record. A week later at state I placed 8th. Only the top 8 placed, so when I started the race I made sure I was in 8th place and didn't let anyone pass me, nor did I pass anyone else. I ended up running 2 seconds faster and placed 8th, again doing just enough.

It seems that in my life I always do just enough, never pushing for more. In school it was the same old story. I hadn't really thought about it much until I was walking home after my run on Saturday.

In conclusion, I'm going to work on getting better at pushing myself, doing more than necessary. I'm going to go above and beyond in running, in work, in life. It's time I set a pace that pushes me almost to the breaking point, pushing me to become someone better. In the words of Emeril Lagasse....it's time I kick it up a notch!